Saturday, March 1, 2008

And I said, "Well, that's the one thing we've got."

There's some sort of flashback meme-thing going on, and though I"m not usually a joiner, I had to participate.

My song? "Breakfast at Tiffany's" by Deep Blue Something.

I was 18 in 1995, and that fall started college at Syracuse University. I was living in Boland, on floor 8 which was the "quiet lifestyle" girls floor; the floors alternated, so Boland 7 was the guys' quite lifestyle. Needless to say 7 & 8 hung out together a lot, because well, we just did.

On Boland 7 was a guy named Steve. I thought he was cute and after a few weeks we were a couple (mind you, I did not dte iin high school. high school s*cked. college, as far as guys went, wasn't much better). Everything went along great until around Thanksgiving. I went home to Houston and we talked a few times on the phone, and when I went back he wanted to not be exclusive anymore, ie he wanted to break up. I'll tell you that part in a little bit. I didn't understand, and was admittedly heartbroken, but he obviously didn't seem to care as per usual. I decided that if I was going to cry, which I did, I was not crying anywhere where anyone could see -- so that left my dorm room when my roommate was out and the shower.

He, for some reason, felt bad and again asked me out. Like a moron (I wish I could slap my 18-year old self now), I agreed to go out to a movie with him, but I was paying for my stuff -- ticket, drink, etc. I was not letting him pay for anything, 'cause I didn't consider it a date. After the movie, we went back to Boland and his roommate was in the room, so I thought I was safe to be in his room. Steve apparently had OTHER ideas about safety. He kissed me and one thing led to another and the next thing I knew I was being held down on his bed, one of his hands holding my wrists above my head, the other trying to undo my jeans. I don't remember a whole heck of a lot, I know I did say 'NO," but I know I had locked my legs (before I knew to do that, which I learned about in self-defense class later), and that pissed him off. He had to let go of my hands to do anything with my pants, and that was when I got him off of me and rand back to my room upstairs. Steve's roommate -- was in the room the whole time.

I never was alone with him again. I was never anywhere close to him without at least 4 people around.

My "friends" on my floor all decided that Steve obviously couldn't have done that, so I lost all my friends on my floor over this. I still had some friends on Boland 7, Geoff comes to mind, so when push came to shove I would hang out with them in one of the lounges.

Christmas and finals came, and I had the flu. Steve still gave me my Christmas gift -- a pair of gold heart earrings. I still have them, and have never worn them. Over Christmas break, I talked to my friend Brian from high school, whom I had gone to homecoming and prom with my senior year. He told me he only went with me because he felt sorry for me.

I had gone from attempted-rape to broken hearted as well.

I returned for the Spring semester and went and confronted Steve. Told him he was an a**hole. Told his RA, who did nothing, much to my disappointment.

Later we had a student government "bonding session" and my friend Meaghan had to go upstairs to her room for something. When she came back down, she was surprised to see me there because she swore she had just seen me in the Boland 6 bathroom. Turns out the girl was Reana, and she was my look-alike. Reana and Steve had dated all throughout high school, and had never broken up. Meaning he cheated on her with me, or however you wanted to classify it.

When I saw her later, it was like looking into a mirror.

Steve was a b*stard. I still saw him throughout college. I never told anyone what happened until 2000, when Geoff asked me and I came clean. I never saw anyone to help me get over what happened. As a music lover, I can tell you that I played TONS of Alanis over this, but I played Deep Blue Something's "Halo" almost more, though that wasn't a hit and never reached radio. This song did, and too this day I cannot listen to it, 'cause it makes me think of Steve.

Breakfast at Tiffany's, by Deep Blue Something.

You'll say, we've got nothing in common,
No common ground to start from,
And we're falling apart,
You'll say, the world has come between us,
Our lives have come between us,
Still I know you just don't care.

And I said, "What about 'Breakfast at Tiffany's?'"
She said, "I think I remember the film,
And as I recall, I think, we both kind of liked it."
And I said, "Well that's, the one thing we've got."

I see you, the only one who knew me,
And now your eyes see through me,
I guess I was wrong,
So what now? It's plain to see we're over,
And I hate when things are over,
When so much is left undone.

(chorus)

You'll say, that we've got nothin in common,
No common ground to start from,
And we're falling apart,
You'll say the world has come between us,
Our lives have come between us,
Still I know you just don't care.

(chorus)

Oooooo

And I said, "What about 'Breakfast at Tiffany's?'"
She said, "I think I, remember that film,
And, as I recall, I think, we both kind of liked it,"
And I said, "Well that's, the one thing we got."

And I said, "What about 'Breakfast at Tiffany's?'"
She said, "I think I, remember that film,
And, as I recall, I think, we both kind of liked it,"
And I said, "Well that's, the one thing we got."

1 comment:

cookies said...

wo - I would say I'm sorry for what happened but that would also mean I'm sorry for you too, which doesnt sound nice to me and you wouldnt really want another person from the interwebz to feel sorry for you.
However if Steve was an ahole you should have known from the start. People most times are predictable if you just look at them and think clearly, that is stop daydreaming because something small fascinates you about them, and see what they really are up to.
I hope you now 've lernt how to choose your close ones and have found real friends in your life. There are always people who care, no matter if you see them or not.

not all that shines is gold, or not all that shines will always be gold.

PS: Breakfast at Tiffany's ++