wtf

what is wrong with me? why am i crying/hysterical over some guy? it's not like we've dated/kissed/slept together or anything? what the eff is my problem?

why am i so worried about it all? what is there for me to worry about? it's not like i have anyone here to help me through it anyways? my family is in illinois. my friends are spread out over the country. no one is single except for me. really makes me hate everything about me - my job, my life, my friends, my situation. i've already had enough crap in my life, and i really don't need any reminders as to how much of a screw up i really am. i don't have anyone i can call here for help. i don't have anyone that i can go talk to in person for help. almost makes me wish i could go to sleep and wake up in a few years and all the shit will have gone away. i don't want to call any friends out-of-state. i don't want to talk to my parents. i don't want to go to work. i don't want to knit. all i want to do is sleep and the world can just go on about its business and i won't do anything at all. i hate everything about myself and my current situation, so why does any of it matter? why don't i care?

seriously, i hate it all.